Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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