I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
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The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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