Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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