Is it normal to miss your booty call?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
