Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
