if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
