Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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