What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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