That's intense
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
