Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
