never play flip cup with pint glasses
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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