my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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