she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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