As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As shirtless as possible
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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