Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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