i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
