apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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