Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
