I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Rumble strips road head = magical
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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