Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize