yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more