how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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