we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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