I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You were trust falling into bushes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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