That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
