today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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