Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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