Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
