Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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