is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
