I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
