Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
