WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The beer is more important than you right now.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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