i would punch a child for taco bell
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
