Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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