i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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