I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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