I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
