i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
