i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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