he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
