My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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