Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
