Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
