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I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
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