Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize