we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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