So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
