Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
