Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
