I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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