would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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