What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
