and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
