I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
