p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
