he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
