just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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