there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
