Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
