so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
