So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
