I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
