come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i think i just lost a toe
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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