So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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