dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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