This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
