i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
