I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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